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Relationships involving men who love pantyhose | nohealani's Blog


This is a complicated subject, and one I felt compelled to address after having written my last blog post. It seems that the vast majority of the members in the pantyhose experience groups here at EP are men. I suppose this sort of makes sense, as pantyhose are not generally items that warrant a whole lot of topical discussion among women.

The subject matter of most of the male EP pantyhose stories generally involve a man's attraction to women in pantyhose, or a desire for a man to wear pantyhose himself. To these men: know that I do not judge you, and I truly wish the best for you in your endeavors.

But when it comes to the subject of involving your pantyhose fetish in your relationship with your wife, I think it may be easy to lose perspective, as for some men, these fetishes seem to be a major driving force behind their moods and actions. Often, perception and feelings toward a man's wife is often fluxed through the filter of how she deals with or accepts her husband's pantyhose fetish.

As you read these words, what I have to say may seem like common sense. Then again, it may not. If what I have to say comes across as preachy, so be it. I just want men to understand how this matter may be viewed from a woman's perspective. While I will be speaking about men with pantyhose fetishes, the spirit of this post can be applied to any type of fetish.

This post is addressed to the men out there who would like to have an open relationship with their wives regarding their love of pantyhose--whether it be a desire for their wives to wear pantyhose more often, or to wear pantyhose themselves. To those men, I sincerely hope that you be very considerate of your wife, and show some maturity if you don't always get your way.

Regardless of what fetish you may have, if you and your wife are able to genuinely enjoy it together, cherish what you have. It is something very special. Participating in something which is a common source of joy for both parties greatly strengthens a relationship.

A man wanting his wife to wear pantyhose, or a man enjoying wearing pantyhose himself, isn't in itself a bad thing. What is bad, however, is when that attachment to pantyhose escalates to the point of obsession, and becomes a necessary requirement for happiness in a relationship. That's when the harmless fetish becomes a destructive one.

For some men, it is possible that pantyhose have displaced their wives as the focal point of their physical and psychological fulfillment. This is wrong. No woman should ever be relegated to being just a warm body that wears pantyhose; or, merely some means to fulfill some fantastical desire.

Guys, if it is difficult for you to perform with your wife unless some aspect of pantyhose is involved, take a step back. Your wife should be the most important thing in your relationship, not an inanimate piece of nylon and Lycra. It is one thing to be dependent on Viagra due to medical reasons. It is a completely different matter to be dependent on a psychological stimulus like a fetish item.

I'm not saying that you have to give up your fetish. As I have said before, having a fetish, in itself, isn't a bad thing. What I am asking is that you be considerate of your wife. If she is 100% fine with you involving pantyhose in your endeavors 24/7, great. But if she needs a break (as even I do from time to time), be sensitive to her feelings.

Readers of my previous posts know that I really love pantyhose. So does my husband, and I would venture to say that he probably likes pantyhose more than I do. However, our lives do not revolve around pantyhose; our lives revolve around each other. That's the way it should be. I'm not saying that we are the model couple, as we naturally have our share of problems. However, pantyhose are never the source of those problems.

To the men who understand and practice what I have talked about, I applaud you because you "get it." I optimistically believe that this is how it is with most men who have wives that accept their fetish. However, to the remaining men, I ask that you reflect on what is most important to you. If your wife has accepted your fetish, it is because she loves you, and wants you to be happy. But please don't take advantage of that, or take it for granted.

I guarantee that your love of pantyhose isn't the only thing your wife is accepting about you--there are many other unspoken things that we contend with on a daily basis, yet accept them because we love you. I guess what I'm trying to say is don't overwhelm your wife with your pantyhose fetish. Don't hold a grudge against her if she needs a break--if you have come to that point, I'm sorry to say that you are now putting your fetish before your wife; the object has become more important than the human being wearing it. Such a circumstance will eat away at a relationship like cancer.

Maybe I misunderstand or underestimate the psychological attachment some men may have to pantyhose. But I can only try to understand it in the context of how I would feel if I were to make an unusual request of my husband. I would be elated and grateful if he were to indulge me in any hypothetical desires I may have. But I would also do my best to temper those desires if he felt he were being inundated with them. It's good to enjoy them sometimes, but not all of the time.

Understand that relationships are about give and take. Perhaps you could do certain things that your wife asks of you? Whether she is extremely enthusiastic or just accepting of your pantyhose fetish is irrelevant. Your wife is doing what she can to make you happy; please reciprocate that commitment.

- Nohea

This Blog Entry's Comment Board (8 comments)
1-8 of 8 Comments   

MikePH70
Posted on 09:45AM on Feb 21st, 2011
interesting thoughts, thanx for sharing. I think most women (incl. mine) just give the topic a bit too much weight though. For some of us men it's just a comfortable piece of clothing. If I would have a thrill everytime I wear pantyhose, my life would truly be exciting...

I can only speak for myself: I don't tell my wife what to wear, but I also want the freedom to wear what I want. And when I start to dress early in the morning, I don't have the power to think whether my clothing choice has grown more important than my love to my wife. I just grab a pair and get dressed.

If I have to "perform", I'm happy to undress first. I have similiar taste in legwear as you do, and it would ruin my day if I would ruin my Wolfords. But that again makes me a calculating fetishist rather than a loving husband, right?:-)

Last but not least I want to address the word "fetish". A long time ago I chose to wear a piece of clothing, that is generally considered to be for females. Like earrings or long hair used to be. But nowadays there are several manufacturers producing male legwear and many men that see legwear as unisex fashion. It's really not a fetish to all of us. If I have a fetish than it's my love to Heavy Metal music. I have ten times more Metal Shirts than pantyhose, does that make me a Metal Shirt fetishist?
Nohealani
Posted on 03:56PM on Feb 21st, 2011
Mike:

I think you have missed the point of my post.

Here, you can find the definition of fetish: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/fetish

It reads:

- noun
1. an object regarded with awe as being the embodiment or habitation of a potent spirit or as having magical potency.
2. any object, idea, etc., eliciting unquestioning reverence, respect, or devotion: to make a fetish of high grades.
3. Psychology . any object or nongenital part of the body that causes a habitual erotic response or fixation.

If your heavy metal music and shirts elicit an erotic response or fixation, then I am inclined to say that you have a heavy metal shirt fetish. Alternately, if you assign religious, mystical, or reverent devotion to heavy metal, you would have a heavy metal fetish, according to one of the first two definitions. However, I think it is obvious from the text of my post that I am addressing fetishes of sexual nature. Perhaps it is my fault for not pointing that out. If I have confused you, I apologize.

If none of those fetish definitions apply to you, then I am inclined to characterize you as merely a die-hard fan of heavy metal.

If wearing pantyhose isn't a fetish for you, then this post simply doesn't apply to you. I'm glad that you have a healthy relationship with your wife regarding your proclivity to wear pantyhose. While I believe that there are many happy marriages like yours and mine, as you must know, this isn't always the case. I'd like to direct your attention to the following heart-breaking EP story:
www . exp eri enc eproj ect . com/stories/Am-Facing-The-Decision-Of-Divorce-Over-Pantyhose--Fetish/890154
(Remove the spaces from the URL; EP was masking the link.)
It is this type of relationship that I am addressing. This is no doubt an extreme example, but I hope you understand where I am coming from.

Best wishes,
N.
MikePH70
Posted on 02:03AM on Feb 22nd, 2011
Hi Nohea, thanx for your reply. I was a bit shocked from the story. Not that I think that pantyhose are to blame for cheating, or stealing clothes from other people. that guy has simply no feelings for his wife. Whether he's born like that or has been changed because of his fetish (I admit, here you can call it a fetish) is a field study for psychologists. I also think that such a strong obsession can't be "switched off" just like that.

My wife, by the way, would be the happiest person in the world if I would quit wearing. Though she knows for the almost 20 years that we are together, she doesn't really approve. But our lives really don't revolve around pantyhose, but around our family.

I read your "commentary on pantyhose" and agree 100% with you. Pantyhose are very comfortable. While many women think they are not, some men think they are. We should have the right to wear them without beeing labelled as creepy fetishists.

I know you gave the issue very thorough thoughts and thank you for that. I don't want to challenge you, I just wanted to point out that there are many men that wear pantyhose because of comfort, warmth, fashion or health reasons. There is even a blog for those interested, it's on delphi and called LAUF (legwear as unisex fashion). Greetings from Switzerland and all the best to you and your husband, Mike
Redpoint
Posted on 03:44AM on Apr 8th, 2012
Dear Nohealani, wow, your article is bull's eye in my case. My lovely wife is accepting my pantyhose wearing for years now and never complained about it. I realize that we never make love without it anymore. You are right, it is time for me to take a step back and have respect for her feelings. Thanks, you opend my eyes. Grtz Redpoint
maninfl
Posted on 03:09PM on Nov 16th, 2012
My comment on the subject, is that there were times I would wear pantyhose to work. Yes they were under everything else I had on. Actually my wife handed me a pair and said to try these and see if they help. Actually they Did! There was a time when I worked outside in a cold wintery northeast state. Thing is I came to like shaving my legs and the way they felt was wonderful. I wore them only in the winter and my wife even said that I had great legs. Yes I anticipated winter for that reason . I now since I have retired I live in a warm sunny state and rarely get an opportunity to wear them under my trowsers.
tammyboi
Posted on 10:19PM on Jan 5th, 2013
Thanks for the article. I have recently retired due to health reasons so I'm able to do more as I want around the house such as exploring my femme side. I have been x-dressing since age 5 and my wife knew this for I told her. She tolerates it but don't support it. your article hit some thoughts I have been pondering. again,thank you.
loverofstockings
Posted on 09:35AM on Oct 17th, 2013
Your husband is a lucky man - not because of your mutual enjoyment of pantyhose (although that doesn't hurt), but because this blog post demonstrates the qualities of a rational & loving partner. Your advice can be applied to situations outside the bedroom as well

Very well written
ltelling1
Posted on 01:25AM on Mar 16th, 2014
This article is priceless, to anyone with a fetish of any kind. I wish I had seen and taken heed to such info many a year ago. I hope and recommend for their own sake, and for that of their family, that everyone with a budding or established fetish not only happen to come upon it and read it, but that they recognize it for its worth and as such put its advice into practice.

The dozens (Hundreds? Thousands?) of documented accounts on the web are evidence enough for me to agree that it is indeed very easy to lose perspective. So much so that it seems as though (I'm not a psychologist) fetishes might be progressive in nature, further detrimental over time. Once "imprinted", it will likely require a lifetime of willful and active diligence to mitigate the progression. That has most certainly proven to be the case with my personal hose fetish.

At the age of 5, I took an interest in pantyhose that I'm unable to recognize as being sexual in capacity today. I was fascinated w/ their softness as well as their visual appeal. I cut pictures of them out of the Sears catalog, I wore them under my jeans whenever I thought I could get away with, slept in them at times. Then when puberty hit and it became sexual in capacity and therefor a legitimate fetish, I became more courageous with each subsequent indulgence, and every fantasy while doing so became more outlandish and inappropriate then the previous. This was standard practice for the next 23 years or so until I ended up with an undesired reason to take interest in edifying myself on fetish and relationships.

The progression is typical of anything in hind-sight, easy to spot after enough time has passed. Often times it isn't noticeable until undesirable circumstances it takes one to have made it so, as was the case for me. For many, it isn't always easy to recognize the moments that constitute a progression, where compulsion can often preclude a thoughtful decision process.

Thankfully, everything today is in good shape for me with regard to the negative impacts of my behavior relating to my fetish. Any related desires / compulsions are still every bit as strong as where the progression had built them up to. However, efforts in maintaining perspective as offered in this article allow for the design, maintenance, and modification of outlets and boundaries that my wife can legitimately accept and agree to.

I hope those with a legitimate fetish somehow find and follow the advice given here or similar elsewhere before anything might progress to undesirable circumstances. It certainly seems to me that the chances are high without the knowledge diligence recommended within.
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Deadly pantyhose: Wolford Fatal 15 and Fatal Lace, posted February 14th, 2011, 4 comments
Relationships involving men who love pantyhose, posted February 12th, 2011, 8 comments
My views on men who wear pantyhose, posted February 11th, 2011, 24 comments
Blogging is fun, posted January 29th, 2011
Why I love pantyhose, posted January 9th, 2011, 1 comment
Why I don't always reply to messages, posted December 18th, 2010, 1 comment
Commentary on pantyhose, posted November 17th, 2010, 5 comments

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